segunda-feira, 25 de junho de 2012

Haze

 All these bruises & open wounds may heal at your sight; but for my heart it will always be a memorable & constant pain. You will no longer see the blood but it will always be part of my incessant battle & struggle, every day, every night, every single time I look in the mirror and stare at this blank hideous face of the reflection and remind myself of all the dirt underneath my skin & inside my heart & between my fragile and unveiled bones.

Isolation

In fear every day, every evening,
He calls her aloud from above,
Carefully watched for a reason,
Painstaking devotion and love,
Surrendered to self preservation,
From others who care for themselves
 
A blindness that touches perfection,
But hurts just like anything else.

Isolation, isolation, isolation

Mother I tried please believe me,
I'm doing the best that I can.
I'm ashamed of the things I've been put through,
I'm ashamed of the person I am.

But if you could just see the beauty,
These things I could never describe,
These pleasures a wayward distraction,
This is my one lucky prize.
 
Joy Division

sábado, 23 de junho de 2012

Wanderlust

I can’t express in words all that have been clouding up my mind these gloomy days that I wish I would not wake up If you weren’t here by my side holding my hands & saying that you care about me and that you’ll stick around for me ever & ever, just as me for you. I want to hold you tight and never let you go away from me, ever again.
I feel utterly dream-like when you speak softly sweet nothings in my ear all night long and I listen to your breathe & watch you so beautifully falling asleep by my side that I seem unable to think that it can’t be a dream, among all these realities inside my mind which I live in so often and forget this world outside so many times, from what I need cover up and hide my fears, wounds, bruises and bloody tears, which I don’t need nor want to hide from you ever.
There was a time when I started to leaving you inside those damn glass doors and I used to think that when we’d meet each other over again, we’d feel like strangers in a first date & we’d feel awkward & lonesome inside our minds, but this time has gone already and all the time that I remind myself that you’re not here all that comes up to my blank & blood-stained mind is that when we meet again, I’ll never let you feel lost and alone & I’ll make the time we spend along the best we could ever have. I completely loathe all the time we’re apart from each other, but when I remember that you were the only one who could make me feel this way I start to remind myself that you’ll never lose me, ever. Each bone, each artery, each smile & every single word of mine belongs to you and I owe you all my awake days since the very first day I met you.
I stroll through days & nights wondering why can’t we stay the way we mean to be, but I find no answer and all that pops into my mind is that we may be apart by now, but with you I know that the nearest future before our eyes will be the one we've wished for so long since we’ve met for the first time.

quarta-feira, 20 de junho de 2012

Why


I've never felt so odd and lost like I'm feeling right now. It's like a daydream, like I'm living and starring the dream in first person, but at the same time I'm the one who watches everything and asks "why?", just as me as I'm acting and living like a ghost slowly wandering on earth looking for something that could never be reached. I feel exhausted & I feel scared of what might come afterwards, after I wake up of this dreamy life I'm in for such a short time which feels so, so long. I feel like I'm never gonna be able to live properly again, but all the time it's happened I thought the same way and it's like a never-ending dream in my life which collides with reality. But what's reality, at all? Why can't our mind which lives in so many unknown places for anybody else's eyes be a part of reality, our reality? It's a lot of questions for no answers and I seem to be unable to think straight for hours.

segunda-feira, 4 de junho de 2012

Aos demônios do tempo IV: Meio a meio

                Estiquei-me demais em relação à minha notável inflexibilidade emocional; resulta-se então no que me tornei hoje, o que sou, o que não pedi pra ser, o que me descobri e o que sempre me disseram que se chegasse ao ponto que já ultrapassei há tempos, é porque há sérios problemas em relação a tudo. Mente, corpo e alma. Eu, você e ele. Nós. Eles. Ninguém, de repente. E repentinamente voltei ao meu ser e notei que nada disso faz sentido quando você olha para a lua cheia e gritante, alta e linda no céu, e nada te percorre na espinha dorsal, apenas o vento frio que ecoa dentro de ti e te impede de sentir o que deveria ser sentido, ouvir o que deveria ser ouvido, notar o que deveria ser notado, falar o que deveria ser escutado por mim, por ela, por ele, por todos, principalmente por ti.
                Encosto a cabeça e penso em voltar aos antigos hábitos noturnos que me recorrem frequentemente, que é pensar e repensar sempre sobre a mesma coisa e terminar com um sentimento de confusão extrema dentro de mim, uma exaustão mental e um peso morto dentro do peito que palpita a cada segundo e sinto o desperdício de ar que ocorre a cada batimento e respiração; desperdício de espaço, de vida, que define minha pessoa como transparência definiria um copo de água, sempre meio vazio, meio sujo, meio estilhaçado contra a parede como sinto-me por dentro a cada momento em que me ocorrem esses pensamentos. Meio, nunca inteira, nunca completa, e também nunca incompleta, pois nada me falta, entretanto, muito me transborda: mágoas, rancores, nomes, atitudes, pesos, lágrimas, palavras e coisas que vomito aqui e agora tentando livrar-me de mim mesma; em vão, como sempre.
 

© 2009Dead Souls | by TNB