terça-feira, 2 de dezembro de 2014

Bloody room

These walls
are made of blood & pain in the inside
and i beg you
to please
let me
blend in.

Burning

I burn things so i can feel
the ashes vanishing away
as i blow them off
the ground
I burn people's photographs
so i can feel
their eyes dying just
like their memories
in my mind
yet they never do
I burn myself
so i can feel
the heat of the life
that i've never had the chance
to live at its fullest
because i was way too busy
burning my sadness away
yet it knows
how to come back to life &
fulfill my mind.

[i burn
to see the flame
painting my fingertips
as black as
the pit
i'm in
]

Skinny bones

Falling down
a walking corpse
no sense at all
no sense in life
no sense in death
things should just vanish away
so you won't ask anything
anymore
for nothing
because nothing is real
as i am falling down
this river
of nothingness &
sinking into
the feeling of
despair
of having nothing else
to lose
but my dead flawed
skin
& bloody
skinny bones.

About life & deafness itself

It's kinda unfair
to scream in deaf ears
so it may hear it,
maybe
just as much
as you try to convince me
that life may be
suitable
for a person
just like me.

The shell of me

I have nothing left for this dreadful world
but an empty shell
that wishes for its self-destruction to come
as soon as it's possible
like someone to step over them &
crack it up in tiny little pieces that could never be put together again.
There's nothing left of me to give & give in
to someone else,
but this overwhelming emptiness
that destroy all my inner voices &
that shuts them up for all eternity.
I'm sorry you could never hear them again,
but i'm also pleased that
you'll never have to listen to
these destructive thoughts
any minute longer.

[i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
but these voices
will never leave me
please crack me up &
let me down
in the water
to drown & sink
for good]

terça-feira, 4 de novembro de 2014

Revenge



                I’ll make you feel the heat of my blood, 
                but only when I feel yours 
                in my tongue.

segunda-feira, 3 de novembro de 2014

Mãe

Mãe, deixe a luz acesa
Eu quero enxergar a escuridão
Tomando conta
De minha mente e de
Meu corpo e
De mim.
Mãe, deixe a porta aberta,
Eu quero encarar
Todos os monstros
Antes que eles se escondam
Dentro de minha cabeça
E me aterrorizem
Mãe, fica comigo esta noite
Está frio aqui fora
E sua sepultura
Me faz lembrar
De todos os pesadelos
Que já tive
Em noites sem luar
Mãe, você pode me ouvir?
Pois eu te escuto
No meio da noite
Chamando meu nome
Mãe, você não está sozinha
Estou aqui
E lhe trouxe flores
Mas logo elas morrerão,
E eu estarei agarrado
À morte
Mais uma vez.
Mãe, me desculpe pelos meus erros
Sei que não poderá lê-lo,
Mas este bilhete
Diz o quanto te amo
E o quanto quero me juntar
À ti.
Mãe, já pode apagar a luz
Estaremos juntos essa noite
E nada vai nos separar
Nem a vida,
Nem a morte.

domingo, 5 de outubro de 2014

Sim

A podridão invadiu
o meu espaço
tentei me libertar
tentei por um fim
nela, em tudo, em mim.
Mas percebi, enfim,
que quanto mais eu me afastava
mais perto dela eu chegava
então decidi aceitá-la
porque afinal,
ela sempre esteve aqui dentro
e tudo o que eu precisava
fazer era
apenas
dizer
"sim".

Ela

Eu percebi que
De tanto te procurar,
Nunca te acharia
Então decidi fechar meus olhos
E te encontrar
Nas esquinas de minha mente
Onde eu tinha certeza que
Pra te achar,
Eu não precisaria mais correr
Pra lugar nenhum.

Mar aberto

Eu queria
Que o azul dos teus olhos
Fosse meu mar aberto
Então eu me afogaria
Sem me preocupar,
Me afogaria, sim
E afundaria - dentro de ti,
pra sempre.

sexta-feira, 3 de outubro de 2014

The consequences of a beating heart

If i am about to open up my heart
to let it beat & bump
into my chest
then i'm about to let it flow
let it all flow
let the blood and thoughts and angst
just to set me free
of this excruciating pain
that is
to just let
my heart
alive.

domingo, 28 de setembro de 2014

About blue eyes & yellow shallow words

            Hello again, blue eyes. Ive come to talk to you again. Do you mind? Well, I do. But I gotta do this. Ive been wondering, Ive been really hard on myself about things that involve you. How dare you to do this again? I mean, you've been away so damn longer than ever and then you just come back and say all the stuff you want and then you just tell me to simply forget about it? How old are you? Ten? I thought that five years could make a boy grow up a little, at least.
            Come on. I admit it might be my fault. I can do it. Can you? I doubt it. But thats okay, let me start it. There was me, telling you about dreams & illusions & things that never happened and never would. There was, then, a simple question that, after all, made me realize youve never changed. At all. And by that, I mean: it sucks. To be a little more polite, I would say: Grow the fuck up. Sorry about the harsh words. Thats what five or ten or twenty years can make to a person. Impressed, right? I know you were surprised when I told you about the mess that my head actually is so different than that simple, cutie girl youve thought I was, right? Let me say: That girl in your head never existed. It was just an image youve created from my appearance & my kindness with you. Because I was, and, mostly, because thats how I act when I like, love and/or adore someone. It's sincere. And you were one of them. You still are. Or I guess so. Who are you, really? Who am I? What are these feelings? Are you even capable of feeling things? Or, sorry about that, is it just an act of a smart, sucker boy? Those were your words. I cant manage to believe youve really said that, though I cant manage to think anything at all about you right now. But let me cast my demons out: that time, that movie, that scene, that kiss? Sorry about all of this, sucker boy. Its all true, because I can tell whats true inside of me & whats not. And what about you, have you ever?

sábado, 5 de abril de 2014

Time to leave



                “I tried. I swear I did. I took her by her hand and pulled her arm as hard as I could. She said “I’m sorry, it’s time to leave.” She let go of my hands. I could just watch her falling down and sinking into the air, till the sea. All I know is that I jumped right after.”
                And then I woke up, frightened, choking on my own spit. It was just a dream. Thank God, she’s alive. Thank God. Then I looked down my arms, my legs, my clothes. I was soaked. I couldn’t tell whether that was dirty water or blood, my vision turned blurry, and I started to fall. Again. This time she wasn’t with me. I was going towards her body, I thought. I was sinking. And then I stopped. I saw her body, smashed against those rocks, and I saw something I didn’t realize before. There was something in her ankles. Chains. Shackles. There were shackles in her feet all the fucking time! And then I looked down at mine. The same. “What the fuck?” I thought. I’m losing my mind. This cannot be happening. And her body suddenly trembled. I stared at her dead, grey face, and those closed, beautiful blue eyes quickly opened up, in a scary crimson color I could never describe. Her lips were moving still. Under water, who can hear anything? I attempted to, moving my back closer to her lying corpse. Nothing. I looked at her eyes over again, and they were closed.
                “Now she’s gone”, so I thought. I glanced somewhere else and quickly brought my eyes back to her corpse. She wasn’t there. I felt awful for a second, how could she…? How could I..? And then I could listen to her words, over again: “It’s time to leave.” She released herself, somehow. She was swimming back to the top. She was leaving. So was my oxygen. I could only watch her leaving me, over again. Only that, this time, it wasn’t a dream any longer.

Fins



                Sentei-me na ponta da cama, com o cigarro na ponta dos lábios, com as palavras na ponta da língua.
                Com o trago, elas se foram.
                Junto com sua imagem na minha cabeça.
 

© 2009Dead Souls | by TNB